My Beautiful Mother!!!

This is a picture of my son, Alex, and my Mother (age88). She is such an amazing woman. Strong, compassionate, a matriarch for her family, giving.......a Mother. She has had a wonderful life; however has had many heartaches...a son who was sick most of his life and who died at age 28, another child with complicated health issues (me), her own difficult Mother who was very demanding, an interesting marriage for over 50 years, and a grand-daughter who died at the young age of 13. Through it all she has survived....with such grace and courage.

She is a constant joy to me. She has always been a little "Edith Bunker-ish" and has always said the funniest things. My sisters and I often call one another and share another funny wacky Jackie (our pet name for her) story. As she gets older I just want to love her more and more. She is changing...dramatically.....and I wish I could just hold her tight so that she would always be my Mom. But I know that she and I are transitioning from her taking care of me for so many years to me taking care of her in the best way that I can. I owe her that.

During the winter months she lives down in southern California and the rest of the year she lives in a retirement community here in Bellingham. We were raised in the Seattle area and Mom lived there for her entire life......but when my sister Jodee and her husband moved up here (after retirement) we decided that we wanted her up here near us and she's been living here for three years. She is the Bell of the Willows (the community where she lives) and has made a remarkable transition to her new home and new routines (Thank God!!!).

I talked to her yesterday and told her about the house. I wanted to wait until I could talk in complete sentences and until I could minimize the stress that we are under at the moment. She was very excited. Our current home has MANY stairs and she has always worried about me falling down them (which I have). I think she's also been worried about climbing them herself. Anyway she was happy to hear about our moving to a one story, smaller home. She reminded me that our children have all moved away and that Richard and I are getting older (thank you Mother!) and that now I will have less to take care of.

She worries about my health constantly. Of course she does!!! As she gets older she really doesn't understand alot of the issues and treatments that I am undergoing.....but all she knows is that I've been really sick at times and that I can't see very well. She introduces me as, "my youngest daughter, Sherri. She's blind!", which kind of irks me (I'm not blind...I'm visually impaired....and I get around wonderfully) but she means well. She is still driving (scary and amazing) and during the summer she often takes me on my errands. Her driving is getting a little dangerous and she promises us that she will stop driving when she turns ninety!!! We will see!!!

I love spending moments thinking about her. She has been an honor to have in my life. I will be with her through this next part of her life....meeting her where she is at and loving her deeply. It felt important that everyone have a chance to get to know her too!

(I love that there is a picture of Alex too!!!!! He really loves his Grandmother and is very attentive. He is a wonderful son and a wonderful Grandson. I love this picture of them!!!)

Busy, busy, busy!!!

Busy, busy, busy!!! I wish I could say that I'm just busy doing things....but along with being busy doing things my mind is also whirling, twirling and thinking about three or four things at once. Writing this blog is helping to quiet my thoughts down a little bit. Our next couple of months promise to be very busy. My challenge will be to take one thing at a time and to move slowly, with care. That's always been a challenge for me.....the one thing at a time deal and also the slowing down, but I have to...to keep myself sane and to also help Richard not worry about me.

I wanted to show you my trades for Art Fest. They are all magnets with sweet little words on them. The pictures don't show the twinkling of the bottle caps or the beautiful colors of the square magnets or the round, glass ones....but they really are pretty. Of course I'm worrying about whether people will like them. It sounds like most people are doing charms....but this is what popped into my head and so......here they are!!!! I love positive messages.....I think these are messages that we all should remember!!!

So.....We are moving in four short weeks....AMAZING!!! We were able to get financing without a contingency so it looks like everything is GO for us!!! Here we sit....with a sweet, little new home and two other homes (a rental property and the big home we are living in right now) to sell. We could have to pay three mortgages......OMG.....!!!!! But....I am envisioning two famillies who are already looking for our homes for sale....they are searching, searching, searching....one for a small "starter" type home and one for a big, modern home (with a fantastic view)! They are out there....I KNOW that they are.

We have an Open House on the little house this Sunday....so that is our first priority. Both Richard and I are great at staging houses. But since the house has been rented for the last three years we do need to do some clean-up and fluffing before the Open House. It will be worth the work!!! The Open House on our current home will be on April 8th. Again, we know we can do it. It's just the work that will be exhausting. And.....I can only work as long as I stay healthy.......another difficult task for me!!!

Through it all, however, I know that Richard and I will remain an amazing team. Together we are pretty powerful. We both are so excited for our new home. Down sizing sounds so appealing. This will be our first home that we are buying just for us. Our kids are grown...it's just him and I and the three dogs and cat. The new house is perfect!!!!

I am so grateful for all that I have. The most important thing, however, is the beautiful relationships that I have in my life. I have Richard....he is such a gift. I have my family...our kids are all incredible. I have our extended family....who are all so supportive and loving and I have a group of miraculous friends who surround me with such joy, sparkle and acceptance. I am truly blessed.

Oops!!! I meant....A Second Play Day!!!

Please forgive all my typo's and mistakes......I'm still so new to this blog thing; but I'm confident that it will get better!!!

A Second Day Play!!!

Yesterday I got to teach another fabulous class of Play at the Doodle and it was sosososo much fun! The women who took the class were absolutely wonderful. It was really great because I hadn't had the majority of them in my classes before and it is always a treat to meet new people. The people I did know, Joanne, Sharon, and Beverly, helped me feel less nervous and kept me steady. Everyone seemed to have a wonderful day. I hope that you enjoy the pictures!!!

The big news here at the Angie/Estes household is that we found our "little" dream home this weekend and yesterday evening we made an offer on it. We feel pretty confident that the sellers will accept our offer and that we will start that WHOLE moving thing once again!!!

Richard and I currently own a big, modern home with an ubelievable view and a rental property. We bought our current home because of the need for more space for our three children, friends and family that seemed to congregate around our table. We all planned on Emily living with us for a few more years and we wanted more space for all of us. The house has been magical for us. Beautiful view, new landscaping and fence which we designed, beautiful woods in the back of our property, a pond with ducks in the woods, lots of wildlife, fabulous location and this amazing view of the world.... But Emily moved out (sooner than we anticipated), it's just Richard and I, the house has many steps (many) and we have felt like we've wanted to downsize and we wanted to stop being landlords for the rental property....so that brings us to where we are today.

We have been looking...but we've done so very quietly, mainly just to see what is out there. We both believed that we would know when it was time to commit to the search and to finding the perfect spot. Last week, after ALOT of discussion, we called our realtor and friend, Jackie, and made our search and our plans more formal. We walked into the new house on Saturday afternoon....and knew that this was the place.

It's been a whirlwind weekend.....but it has also been totally miraculous in terms of a reaffirmation of our belief that the Universe will work with you when you are clear about your intention and when you are willing to do the work to make things happen. It has been a somewhat divine experience.

We have both our rental and our current home for sale; however we have qualified for a special type of loan where we will be able to buy the new home immediately and "roll over" our equities into the loan when the two houses sell. So........my heart is beating fast. There's alot of work ahead. But we are seeing miracles happening every minute. There will, of course, be more news about all of this.

So.....my task is to stay healthy. Artfest is coming in a week, an Open House on the rental property will be next Sunday, the first Open House for this property will be on April 8th, my work and teaching at the Doodle continues and I have to stay focused, calm and strong. The last time we moved I ended up in the hospital for four days. I can't afford for that to happen again. But, like everything else....I need to listen to my body and to my heart and I need to move with awareness through every minute of my days. I am strong....much stronger than I've been in a long time. I know that Richard and I, together, can almost do anything.

A few prayers and blessings will be much appreciated. I couldn't do any of this without my beautiful friends and family. We are so excited and honored that this is all coming together for us.

Thoughts for Friday!!!

Friday mornings are my "tired" mornings since I get a shot on Thursday evenings that always makes me feel "off" on the following days. I deliberately don't do anything before noon on Fridays and try to move really slowly, take deep breaths and focus on all the wonderful things in my life. It isn't difficult to bask in the "glitter" in my world (most of the time)....it's just so hard to remember to take the time to do so that sometimes is tough. It's amazing...the good things are always there...just sometimes I seem to look through a haze or a fog. Today, however, I am glad to report that the "glitter" is brillant and sparkling.

I am spending the afternoon with my sister Jodee. She would die if she knew I was talking about her on a BLOG where people might actually read about her...but I feel rather confident that she will never read this blog...so I will be able to avoid her anger.

I can remember, as a teenager, I accidently found my birth certificate and it totally amazed me that I actually was a biological part of my family. I always felt so different and so removed from everyone else....that I truly grew up with the assumption that I was adopted. Now I am aware of the biological connections.....my compromised auto-immune system and my huge thighs and chubby cheeks definately are a gift from my ancestors....however I still am my own unique being when compared to my siblings. I can honestly say that my siblings and parents never have gotten me....and I don't get them....but it's gotten more OK as I've gotten older and I continue working on accepting the huge differences between us. The most important thing is that I love my two sisters and my Mom (my Brother and my Father have passed away) and all my nephews, nieces and great-nieces with all my heart. I consider myself blessed to have all of them in my life.

However....it is fun to freak them out a little!!! My sisters are older (10 and 15 years older) and I can totally make their mouths hang open when I show up in my altered jeans, sparkly shirt and glitter on my chest and cheekbones. They don't get my art at all.....or my writing and have always called me the dramatic one.....how appropriate, then, that on birthday celebrations I often bring party bags, crowns, hats and horns for everyone....especially if we're at a fancy restaurant and I make them all wear the festive attire. They just about die....but it keeps them guessing. It use to bother me that they didn't get me.....but now I celebrate our differences!!!

I guess that that is what comes with getting older. I find myself much more willing to not be understood all the time. I don't have such a huge need to have everyone agree with me. I don't try to drag them along in my adventures....because really it only makes them miserable and in the end I just get frustrated.

Sometimes I do feel horribly sad that it is difficult for them to share my joy with such small wonders as the color pink, a small bird, my dogs swimming in the lake, Richard and I building a crazy trellis for our beans...but it's OK. I know that most likely we aren't going to finger paint together, nor are they going to ever wear glitter or dance naked with me during a full moon. Of course there probably aren't many people who are going to be willing to do that with me either but it's OK.....I can still delight in that experience all by myself.

My Pride and Joy!!!

Those of you who know me know that I am a HUGE dog nut!!! We have three dogs: Jamaica (a fourteen year old yorkie), Jazzy (a nine year old jack russell) and Mali (a 2 year old golden retriever). Because I am home so much these animals (we also have a cat named Mia) are where alot of my attention goes. They are amazing!!! I really don't know what I would do without them. They, at times, are my best friends. They totally "get" me.....which is so awesome.... During my really bad health days the dogs seem to know it. They literally all cuddle around me and keep me company. They love me so much that they'll take me any way I am. It's a wonderful feeling.

Jazzy loves to chase balls. She would literally do it for hours. She has a huge heart and she runs like a terror after the ball, no matter how far away it is. Often at the dog park Jazzy is the star. I can always hear people commenting on her speed, her focus, her darlingness. Like a proud Mom....I smile and remind them that that little, chubby torpedo is actually nine years old. She is a miracle.

Mali learned, since she was a little puppy, to chase balls with Jazzy. In the beginning Jazzy could always get to the ball first.....but Mali soon began out running her. However, Mali is very sweet....and often she'll let Jazzy get the ball....or she'll get the ball, bring it back half-way, drop it and let Jazzy bring it into us. It is really cute.

Mali loves the water. She swims really well. We throw the ball to her out in the lake. Initially Jazzy just stood on the shore and barked like crazy until Mali brought the ball to her, dropped it at her feet and then Jazzy would return it to us. After a year and a half.....and after slowly going a little deeper and a little deeper....Jazzy took the big plunge last Fall and is now swimming like a little motor boat. She can't go as fast as Mali......but she always meets her at least half way and they swim side by side back to the shore.....beaming from ear to ear. What is so darling is that Jazzy's little head is up out of the water and about a foot behind her you can see her little tail popping out of the water wagging with pure joy. Oh my gosh....they are so cute!!!

Some of my friends think I'm really crazy....but I believe, so much, in the healing power of animals. Through all my ups and downs, sick days, depression, pain, surgeries, frustrations, fear....my animals are always there for me. They totally understand me. Just petting them can make me feel so much better.

OK !!! ENOUGH!!! But.....to know me, truly, is to know (and love) my dogs!!!

I have many Treasures!!!

These past couple of days I've been surrounded by the most amazing women. I am so blessed that over the past two years I have found such beautiful friends who are so supportive and loving. Sometimes, when I look at their faces, listen to their voices or look at their art I am left breathless by the miracle that has happened.

As I have grown more stable and situated in my private life (marrying Richard, buying our new home, settling into a life-rythym) I have felt my heart opening to the possibility of new relationships and friendships. Without going into detail....I literally had to let go of many people who I learned were simply not my friends, who did not have my best interest in their actions or their hearts. I have had to, in many ways, totally start over (moving, changing my phone number & not being listed in the phone book, changing my name). I felt this all was a step in recovery from my previous six years of turmoil, struggle and sadness.

Through alot of work, I finally felt like I could trust myself in choosing appropriate friends who would be true to me, who would love me and who I could love back. I also felt strong enough to follow my dream of teaching visual journaling and working more on the artistic side at the Doodle. It seemed to all happen at once. What has happened since my trust, willingness and openess increased has been the unfolding of a true miracle. I have brought people into my life who I treasure with such passion that I am often brought to tears when I look at their faces and take part in their own journeys. I am learning how to be a good friend and I am giving myself permission to receive the gifts that come from friendship.

I still have a few friends from what I call my "before life". They will be with me forever. Our bond is firm and cemented. They are the kind of friends that I always feel comfortable with no matter how long its been since we've seen one another. These are the friends whose adult children have been in my life since they were babies. These are the friends who I have time with, who have watched me go through the ups and downs of my before life. Our relationships are true and sure. I will always have room for them in my life.

The friends that I have acquired recently are part of the true awe in my life. I have gathered around me a core of women who are so strong and beautiful it is amazing. They are all capable, devoted to their families, committed to their priorities in life and who work very hard at being the people that they want to be. They are good to the core. They carry a light with them that I bask in. When I enter the circle I become part of that wondrous light and I experience another form of total love that is amazing.

My life is very full. I have so many blessings. Believe me....not a day goes by that I don't spend time being grateful for all the many gifts that have been brought to me. I am honored by the wealth and support of friends. For them I am so grateful.