A beautiful weekene!!!

We have been so busy this weekend....packing, packing, packing and getting all organized. It's been a very special time in this house on top of the hill. It rained (hard) all day yesterday, but at sunset the sky turned spectacular. It was raining and sunny at the same time......beautiful colors and wispy clouds. It was as if the sky even knew that changes are in the works and that we didn't have very many sunsets left in this house. This is a picture of the beautiful view from our living room. We truly feel like we are on top of the world!!!

I will miss the view....but I know that what we are doing is the right thing. The house is way too big for us. The taxes are way too expensive. The stairs are very difficult for our parents and for me on my bad days. And, most important, we both want a simpler life. It's a huge move. We will have half the room, but I believe that we can create something magical anywhere and that this new place is very special!!!

None of our children understand what we are doing. They all love this house and they don't understand why we would ever want to leave it. Of course they don't get it!!! We are readyto slow down. They, however, are ready to fly. In the end, I believe that they want us happy. They'll get it in a few months after everything is put away and we have sprinkled our love everywhere in the new house. It will feel like home soon....and then they will totally get it.

For now....I must take my weary bones to my desk and do some painting. Richard and I are very tired and weary. I have to remember to cuddle him tonight.

Love to you all!!!

My Beautiful Mother!!!

This is a picture of my son, Alex, and my Mother (age88). She is such an amazing woman. Strong, compassionate, a matriarch for her family, giving.......a Mother. She has had a wonderful life; however has had many heartaches...a son who was sick most of his life and who died at age 28, another child with complicated health issues (me), her own difficult Mother who was very demanding, an interesting marriage for over 50 years, and a grand-daughter who died at the young age of 13. Through it all she has survived....with such grace and courage.

She is a constant joy to me. She has always been a little "Edith Bunker-ish" and has always said the funniest things. My sisters and I often call one another and share another funny wacky Jackie (our pet name for her) story. As she gets older I just want to love her more and more. She is changing...dramatically.....and I wish I could just hold her tight so that she would always be my Mom. But I know that she and I are transitioning from her taking care of me for so many years to me taking care of her in the best way that I can. I owe her that.

During the winter months she lives down in southern California and the rest of the year she lives in a retirement community here in Bellingham. We were raised in the Seattle area and Mom lived there for her entire life......but when my sister Jodee and her husband moved up here (after retirement) we decided that we wanted her up here near us and she's been living here for three years. She is the Bell of the Willows (the community where she lives) and has made a remarkable transition to her new home and new routines (Thank God!!!).

I talked to her yesterday and told her about the house. I wanted to wait until I could talk in complete sentences and until I could minimize the stress that we are under at the moment. She was very excited. Our current home has MANY stairs and she has always worried about me falling down them (which I have). I think she's also been worried about climbing them herself. Anyway she was happy to hear about our moving to a one story, smaller home. She reminded me that our children have all moved away and that Richard and I are getting older (thank you Mother!) and that now I will have less to take care of.

She worries about my health constantly. Of course she does!!! As she gets older she really doesn't understand alot of the issues and treatments that I am undergoing.....but all she knows is that I've been really sick at times and that I can't see very well. She introduces me as, "my youngest daughter, Sherri. She's blind!", which kind of irks me (I'm not blind...I'm visually impaired....and I get around wonderfully) but she means well. She is still driving (scary and amazing) and during the summer she often takes me on my errands. Her driving is getting a little dangerous and she promises us that she will stop driving when she turns ninety!!! We will see!!!

I love spending moments thinking about her. She has been an honor to have in my life. I will be with her through this next part of her life....meeting her where she is at and loving her deeply. It felt important that everyone have a chance to get to know her too!

(I love that there is a picture of Alex too!!!!! He really loves his Grandmother and is very attentive. He is a wonderful son and a wonderful Grandson. I love this picture of them!!!)

Busy, busy, busy!!!

Busy, busy, busy!!! I wish I could say that I'm just busy doing things....but along with being busy doing things my mind is also whirling, twirling and thinking about three or four things at once. Writing this blog is helping to quiet my thoughts down a little bit. Our next couple of months promise to be very busy. My challenge will be to take one thing at a time and to move slowly, with care. That's always been a challenge for me.....the one thing at a time deal and also the slowing down, but I have to...to keep myself sane and to also help Richard not worry about me.

I wanted to show you my trades for Art Fest. They are all magnets with sweet little words on them. The pictures don't show the twinkling of the bottle caps or the beautiful colors of the square magnets or the round, glass ones....but they really are pretty. Of course I'm worrying about whether people will like them. It sounds like most people are doing charms....but this is what popped into my head and so......here they are!!!! I love positive messages.....I think these are messages that we all should remember!!!

So.....We are moving in four short weeks....AMAZING!!! We were able to get financing without a contingency so it looks like everything is GO for us!!! Here we sit....with a sweet, little new home and two other homes (a rental property and the big home we are living in right now) to sell. We could have to pay three mortgages......OMG.....!!!!! But....I am envisioning two famillies who are already looking for our homes for sale....they are searching, searching, searching....one for a small "starter" type home and one for a big, modern home (with a fantastic view)! They are out there....I KNOW that they are.

We have an Open House on the little house this Sunday....so that is our first priority. Both Richard and I are great at staging houses. But since the house has been rented for the last three years we do need to do some clean-up and fluffing before the Open House. It will be worth the work!!! The Open House on our current home will be on April 8th. Again, we know we can do it. It's just the work that will be exhausting. And.....I can only work as long as I stay healthy.......another difficult task for me!!!

Through it all, however, I know that Richard and I will remain an amazing team. Together we are pretty powerful. We both are so excited for our new home. Down sizing sounds so appealing. This will be our first home that we are buying just for us. Our kids are grown...it's just him and I and the three dogs and cat. The new house is perfect!!!!

I am so grateful for all that I have. The most important thing, however, is the beautiful relationships that I have in my life. I have Richard....he is such a gift. I have my family...our kids are all incredible. I have our extended family....who are all so supportive and loving and I have a group of miraculous friends who surround me with such joy, sparkle and acceptance. I am truly blessed.

Oops!!! I meant....A Second Play Day!!!

Please forgive all my typo's and mistakes......I'm still so new to this blog thing; but I'm confident that it will get better!!!

A Second Day Play!!!

Yesterday I got to teach another fabulous class of Play at the Doodle and it was sosososo much fun! The women who took the class were absolutely wonderful. It was really great because I hadn't had the majority of them in my classes before and it is always a treat to meet new people. The people I did know, Joanne, Sharon, and Beverly, helped me feel less nervous and kept me steady. Everyone seemed to have a wonderful day. I hope that you enjoy the pictures!!!

The big news here at the Angie/Estes household is that we found our "little" dream home this weekend and yesterday evening we made an offer on it. We feel pretty confident that the sellers will accept our offer and that we will start that WHOLE moving thing once again!!!

Richard and I currently own a big, modern home with an ubelievable view and a rental property. We bought our current home because of the need for more space for our three children, friends and family that seemed to congregate around our table. We all planned on Emily living with us for a few more years and we wanted more space for all of us. The house has been magical for us. Beautiful view, new landscaping and fence which we designed, beautiful woods in the back of our property, a pond with ducks in the woods, lots of wildlife, fabulous location and this amazing view of the world.... But Emily moved out (sooner than we anticipated), it's just Richard and I, the house has many steps (many) and we have felt like we've wanted to downsize and we wanted to stop being landlords for the rental property....so that brings us to where we are today.

We have been looking...but we've done so very quietly, mainly just to see what is out there. We both believed that we would know when it was time to commit to the search and to finding the perfect spot. Last week, after ALOT of discussion, we called our realtor and friend, Jackie, and made our search and our plans more formal. We walked into the new house on Saturday afternoon....and knew that this was the place.

It's been a whirlwind weekend.....but it has also been totally miraculous in terms of a reaffirmation of our belief that the Universe will work with you when you are clear about your intention and when you are willing to do the work to make things happen. It has been a somewhat divine experience.

We have both our rental and our current home for sale; however we have qualified for a special type of loan where we will be able to buy the new home immediately and "roll over" our equities into the loan when the two houses sell. So........my heart is beating fast. There's alot of work ahead. But we are seeing miracles happening every minute. There will, of course, be more news about all of this.

So.....my task is to stay healthy. Artfest is coming in a week, an Open House on the rental property will be next Sunday, the first Open House for this property will be on April 8th, my work and teaching at the Doodle continues and I have to stay focused, calm and strong. The last time we moved I ended up in the hospital for four days. I can't afford for that to happen again. But, like everything else....I need to listen to my body and to my heart and I need to move with awareness through every minute of my days. I am strong....much stronger than I've been in a long time. I know that Richard and I, together, can almost do anything.

A few prayers and blessings will be much appreciated. I couldn't do any of this without my beautiful friends and family. We are so excited and honored that this is all coming together for us.

Thoughts for Friday!!!

Friday mornings are my "tired" mornings since I get a shot on Thursday evenings that always makes me feel "off" on the following days. I deliberately don't do anything before noon on Fridays and try to move really slowly, take deep breaths and focus on all the wonderful things in my life. It isn't difficult to bask in the "glitter" in my world (most of the time)....it's just so hard to remember to take the time to do so that sometimes is tough. It's amazing...the good things are always there...just sometimes I seem to look through a haze or a fog. Today, however, I am glad to report that the "glitter" is brillant and sparkling.

I am spending the afternoon with my sister Jodee. She would die if she knew I was talking about her on a BLOG where people might actually read about her...but I feel rather confident that she will never read this blog...so I will be able to avoid her anger.

I can remember, as a teenager, I accidently found my birth certificate and it totally amazed me that I actually was a biological part of my family. I always felt so different and so removed from everyone else....that I truly grew up with the assumption that I was adopted. Now I am aware of the biological connections.....my compromised auto-immune system and my huge thighs and chubby cheeks definately are a gift from my ancestors....however I still am my own unique being when compared to my siblings. I can honestly say that my siblings and parents never have gotten me....and I don't get them....but it's gotten more OK as I've gotten older and I continue working on accepting the huge differences between us. The most important thing is that I love my two sisters and my Mom (my Brother and my Father have passed away) and all my nephews, nieces and great-nieces with all my heart. I consider myself blessed to have all of them in my life.

However....it is fun to freak them out a little!!! My sisters are older (10 and 15 years older) and I can totally make their mouths hang open when I show up in my altered jeans, sparkly shirt and glitter on my chest and cheekbones. They don't get my art at all.....or my writing and have always called me the dramatic one.....how appropriate, then, that on birthday celebrations I often bring party bags, crowns, hats and horns for everyone....especially if we're at a fancy restaurant and I make them all wear the festive attire. They just about die....but it keeps them guessing. It use to bother me that they didn't get me.....but now I celebrate our differences!!!

I guess that that is what comes with getting older. I find myself much more willing to not be understood all the time. I don't have such a huge need to have everyone agree with me. I don't try to drag them along in my adventures....because really it only makes them miserable and in the end I just get frustrated.

Sometimes I do feel horribly sad that it is difficult for them to share my joy with such small wonders as the color pink, a small bird, my dogs swimming in the lake, Richard and I building a crazy trellis for our beans...but it's OK. I know that most likely we aren't going to finger paint together, nor are they going to ever wear glitter or dance naked with me during a full moon. Of course there probably aren't many people who are going to be willing to do that with me either but it's OK.....I can still delight in that experience all by myself.

My Pride and Joy!!!

Those of you who know me know that I am a HUGE dog nut!!! We have three dogs: Jamaica (a fourteen year old yorkie), Jazzy (a nine year old jack russell) and Mali (a 2 year old golden retriever). Because I am home so much these animals (we also have a cat named Mia) are where alot of my attention goes. They are amazing!!! I really don't know what I would do without them. They, at times, are my best friends. They totally "get" me.....which is so awesome.... During my really bad health days the dogs seem to know it. They literally all cuddle around me and keep me company. They love me so much that they'll take me any way I am. It's a wonderful feeling.

Jazzy loves to chase balls. She would literally do it for hours. She has a huge heart and she runs like a terror after the ball, no matter how far away it is. Often at the dog park Jazzy is the star. I can always hear people commenting on her speed, her focus, her darlingness. Like a proud Mom....I smile and remind them that that little, chubby torpedo is actually nine years old. She is a miracle.

Mali learned, since she was a little puppy, to chase balls with Jazzy. In the beginning Jazzy could always get to the ball first.....but Mali soon began out running her. However, Mali is very sweet....and often she'll let Jazzy get the ball....or she'll get the ball, bring it back half-way, drop it and let Jazzy bring it into us. It is really cute.

Mali loves the water. She swims really well. We throw the ball to her out in the lake. Initially Jazzy just stood on the shore and barked like crazy until Mali brought the ball to her, dropped it at her feet and then Jazzy would return it to us. After a year and a half.....and after slowly going a little deeper and a little deeper....Jazzy took the big plunge last Fall and is now swimming like a little motor boat. She can't go as fast as Mali......but she always meets her at least half way and they swim side by side back to the shore.....beaming from ear to ear. What is so darling is that Jazzy's little head is up out of the water and about a foot behind her you can see her little tail popping out of the water wagging with pure joy. Oh my gosh....they are so cute!!!

Some of my friends think I'm really crazy....but I believe, so much, in the healing power of animals. Through all my ups and downs, sick days, depression, pain, surgeries, frustrations, fear....my animals are always there for me. They totally understand me. Just petting them can make me feel so much better.

OK !!! ENOUGH!!! But.....to know me, truly, is to know (and love) my dogs!!!

I have many Treasures!!!

These past couple of days I've been surrounded by the most amazing women. I am so blessed that over the past two years I have found such beautiful friends who are so supportive and loving. Sometimes, when I look at their faces, listen to their voices or look at their art I am left breathless by the miracle that has happened.

As I have grown more stable and situated in my private life (marrying Richard, buying our new home, settling into a life-rythym) I have felt my heart opening to the possibility of new relationships and friendships. Without going into detail....I literally had to let go of many people who I learned were simply not my friends, who did not have my best interest in their actions or their hearts. I have had to, in many ways, totally start over (moving, changing my phone number & not being listed in the phone book, changing my name). I felt this all was a step in recovery from my previous six years of turmoil, struggle and sadness.

Through alot of work, I finally felt like I could trust myself in choosing appropriate friends who would be true to me, who would love me and who I could love back. I also felt strong enough to follow my dream of teaching visual journaling and working more on the artistic side at the Doodle. It seemed to all happen at once. What has happened since my trust, willingness and openess increased has been the unfolding of a true miracle. I have brought people into my life who I treasure with such passion that I am often brought to tears when I look at their faces and take part in their own journeys. I am learning how to be a good friend and I am giving myself permission to receive the gifts that come from friendship.

I still have a few friends from what I call my "before life". They will be with me forever. Our bond is firm and cemented. They are the kind of friends that I always feel comfortable with no matter how long its been since we've seen one another. These are the friends whose adult children have been in my life since they were babies. These are the friends who I have time with, who have watched me go through the ups and downs of my before life. Our relationships are true and sure. I will always have room for them in my life.

The friends that I have acquired recently are part of the true awe in my life. I have gathered around me a core of women who are so strong and beautiful it is amazing. They are all capable, devoted to their families, committed to their priorities in life and who work very hard at being the people that they want to be. They are good to the core. They carry a light with them that I bask in. When I enter the circle I become part of that wondrous light and I experience another form of total love that is amazing.

My life is very full. I have so many blessings. Believe me....not a day goes by that I don't spend time being grateful for all the many gifts that have been brought to me. I am honored by the wealth and support of friends. For them I am so grateful.

Fragmented!!!

These past couple of days I've been feeling much better!!! I have come to realize that the darkness, sometimes can be a way to go within and rest to the depth that I need to. We all carry alot with us....minute by mintue.... For me, sometimes it feels like too much. I know the signals. I know the fear. I just have to remember to listen.

I worked on this painting during the past few days. It still surprises me that, if I really go beyond my critical mind, I can always see how I am truly feeling. It moves me to see it in my own work....it really moves me when I see it in other's work!!! I am a true testament to the healing power of art.

I yearn to give this gift to others who have challenges in their lives. And, I believe, we all have challenges. I have alot of thoughts about how to expand my teaching beyond the walls of the Doodle. That has become my safe place....my haven.... But I think there are other groups of people who would benefit from my classes in visual journaling.....youth, teens, chronically ill people, people with mental health issues.... Thoughts are brewing...possibilities....and lots of questions.

It's a rainy Sunday here. The monthly Journaling Group (about 15 wonderful women who support one another in their artistic endeavors) are gathering here for an afternoon of sharing. Then it is "Breakfast for Dinner" and movie night with Richard's children. A blessed day for sure!!!

I've Been Missing!

Have you ever felt that way? It's been horrible for me these past couple of days...I've been feeling like I've lost myself. I have looked everywhere for me but I have vanished. This person who is left is truly someone whom I haven't seen in a while and I don't like her very much. She has a very weak inner voice. She's scared. She punishes herself and she is so damn critical of everything she does. I want myself back.

I remain positive that I will find myself again. Today, I think, I'm feeling a hint of my presence but it is too early to be jubliant. I have to tread carefully in order to give myself space to return in wholeness. Can anyone understand this?

Don't worry, however!!! (That's hilarious!!! I'm sounding totally crazy and I'm telling you not to worry.) I think I'm writing about something that we all feel now and then...but of course I'm blabbing my feelings to the Universe (that's the most crazy part!!!), hoping that by putting it in words I might be speaking for others who have felt this way and also hoping that it will help my real self feel safe and come back again.

I wrote, previously, about my "retreat" days. I sounded so together and brave, but sometimes I just have to be sad and then....well I disappear. My dogs know where I am.....and my cat is staying very close. They are all assuring me that they can still see my true essence and that they love me. My husband keeps reminding me of "who I really am". I think he's hoping that he'll be able to help me find the true me if he describes me in detail. Sometimes he gets so frantic, trying to fix things. I can understand this....but it really doesn't help me to reappear. The next time I write, hopefully I will have found myself again.

Another Quiet Day of Creating!

Yesterday was a quiet day for me. Sometimes my body and my health issues tell me that I need to slow down and take a couple of days to move slowly and carefully. I am blessed because I get those messages loud and clear.....if I am listening!!! I'm getting better at stopping and taking the time I need. It is hard because that means days off at the Doodle and often cancelling plans with family and friends. The beautiful people who surround me know that I don't take these days unless I really need them.

I use to resent the requirements of "down days" so much. I would get so angry at my illness and would feel so horribly sorry for myself. I would constantly worry about my "to-do" list and would never let my mind turn off. I realize now how unproductive that was. It only made things worse instead of better.

Now I give into these days. I even can celebrate them as mini "retreats" just for me. I move very slowly, spend time just sitting and petting my dogs, looking, for long periods of time, at our beautiful view, read, watch some HGTV and do some quiet drawing and painting. I have to do these days. For me it really isn't a choice. If I don't take them....it always leads to even more down time and eventually a crisis. I've been able to avoid serious bouts of illness flares just by listening.... That is a miracle!!!

Yesterday I made four possible card fronts. I've included them here. I'm planning on making a series of cards for my future etsy shop. Also I'm hoping to use these as refrigerator magnets for my trades at Artfest. When I scan them they always come out so dark and you can't see the sparkle of the pens and paints I use. That's disappointing....but as this blogging adventure continues maybe I'll figure out a way to make my artwork look a little more like the real thing.

I get totally lost when I am painting, drawing and coloring. It is a glorious feeling when you find your creative groove. I have so much going on in my mind....it is a blessing to just rest in the moments of making art. It's a struggle to keep my critical mind quiet....but I am having more moments of pure enjoyment. It takes practice and diligence....hard work!

Today is another "retreat" day. Jamaica, our little, "old" dog is snoring on the floor next to me (All three dogs love my retreat days because they also get to rest and be quiet with me!!!). I can hear the rain falling on our windows. It's amazing that I use to resent these days with amazing amounts of energy. I called them "sick days" and never really rested. Now I can see the perfection of these wondrous moments of blessed retreat.

A Beautiful Evening!!!

Last night, after I got home from my Visual Journaling Class, we went outside to play ball with the dogs. Richard's son was over and the three of us were having fun just watching Mali and Jazzy run, jump in ponds, and chase the ball. I swear when those dogs are playing and chasing a ball they have full, blissful grins on their faces. You can't help but feel happy!!!

At one point, as I stood between Dana and Richard, I just stopped and took a deep breath. I found myself really focusing on the sacredness of the moment; our connectedness, the crisp air, my warm coat, being between two such strong men, our laughter and the dog's total happiness as they played ball with glee. Then it happened.....I looked up.....and I saw the most beautiful evening sky!!! The moon was peeking out of some clouds. It's brightness and glow was magnificent. The stars were very sparkling. I could see many and they truly looked like diamonds. The color of the sky was amazing...a deep, luscious blue...as deep as possible....with a texture just like velvet. I thought about the hugeness, the vastness of it all.

The significance of these moments was that I came to a place of understanding how important it is to take time to breathe and to become totally aware of your place in the Universe. How many times have I stood in that same spot, doing exactly the same thing and ignored the beauty of the evening surrounding me? I mourn all those times that I forgot to notice.

As I went to bed last night I went into the bathroom and the light of the silvery moon was shining in through the window. It cast an awesome glow on the room. It was as if I was given one more reminder, as I went to sleep, about the importance of awareness and taking time to notice.

A Day of Play!!!

For months now I have been creating a class called "Play". My intent was to develop a workshop where people could come together, leave their daily responsibilities behind and experience total creative bliss. My class was yesterday....and I believe that the students and I achieved my goal. We were together for six, long hours (with a half-hour break) but they all hung in there with me and seemed to have fun and experience success with the individual projects. I was hoping to quiet the ever present critic and teach in a way where the students could let go and creatively soar.

When I am teaching.....I am home!!! I know that supporting people in their artistic dreams is exactly what I am suppose to be doing. It is such an honor to watch people walk into the classroom with a small creative voice and then leave roaring with confidence and a smile. I have learned so much through my teaching. I watch my students carefully and am amazed at their courage and willingness to jump in with me even when faced with a blank, white page. I am often filled with total awe; eyes brimming with joyful tears and my heart beating wildly as I watch them gain confidence and become connected with their a creative spirits.

I arrived early yesterday at Stampadoodle so that I could get organized and have some time to breathe and get into my own "artistic-teacher" space. Steve and Wendy (the owners of the Doodle) were there early too....quietly helping me create the space so that it was perfect for my day ahead. After all these years (yes....it has been many years) we have developed a nice rythym.....they know me well, know how earnest I am and know how hard I work to prepare for my classes. Their support is invaluable to me and I am forever grateful.

As the day progressed I watched in amazement as seven, beautiful, shining women transitioned from tiny little smiles to totally joyful glee which only comes with true creative freedom. I heard exclamations of wonder and joy and many squeals of delight. I saw seven women supporting one another through a journey of color, texture, glitter and discovery. We had the entire sidewalk in front of the store full of beautiful papers of color. They worked so hard.....but you could see their amazement at what they had made.

It was an awesome experience for me. I am reminded, again, of the healing power of art. I want to thank the seven women who attended my workshop. You were wonderful....absolutely miraculous in your courage and in your beauty. I was tired by the end (exhausted) but full of glee.

Last night Emily (my beautiful step-daughter) came over and we had a journal night. It has been such a long time since we have just sat and created with one another and it was sosososo fun!!! I finished the above journal page and Emily worked in her altered book. She is 20 years old and I am so amazed with her artwork. She doesn't get a chance to work in her journal very often, but when she does she does some incredible work. She is so sure and confident in what she creates. One of my favorite parts of the whole process is that we get to talk and talk. It truly is a time of sharing. My other favorite part is when she gets so excited about her pages...she calls her Dad in and shows him every page in detail (over and over) and Richard is so patient and loving. It is beautiful. Every little girl (and even at 20 she is our little girl) should have such an amazing Father.

Today I am feeling so grateful for my marriage to Richard. We've known each other for about five years (married for almost two) and I am sure that I finally got it right (phew....it took two practice marriages to learn what I really wanted in a relationship)!!! Not only did I find a wonderful husband but I found an amazing family. I am honored to include Richard's two children, Emily and Dana (24), as my family. My son Alex, my borrowed son Joe (I'll explain later), Emily and Dana bring me great moments of joy and also a wealth of wisdom and growth. I consider myself very blessed.

I am feeling strong today. It feels good to have a solid beginning. There is so much coming up and I have to stay healthy.....and today feels like it's all going to be OK. I'm helping my friend Gail (you met her yesterday) and her beautiful family move. I am so happy for them. It is finally happening and I'm so glad that I get to be part of it. I hope everyone has a great day. Go forth and spread glittery love everywhere.

A Snowy Day!

I have many passions in my life.....color, texture, images, creating my art and journal pages, teaching visual journaling and paper technique classes, my family, my friends, nature, my pets... The list goes on and on. I heard.......You are an artist....it is time to act like one!!! That was an awesome directive for me. There are many ways to "act" like an artist....but I think, after much thought and soul searching, what that means for me is to be focused on CREATING my art and on being authentic in my world with art at the forefront.

I also heard...lead of life of compassion and love....in all things, in all ways!!! This is another amazing directive that should be part of every action and move I make. It is so easy to become distracted by the noise in my world, but my intention is to live a life that is whole, real and good.

I move very quickly, both physically and mentally. My mind seems to swirl and twirl with thoughts, ideas, "to-dos", "to-don'ts"...... at times it can be an exhilirating ride and at others it can be totally terrifying. There are many challenges...but I know that to do any of my "directives" I must maintain a balance and a focus. I think I have many issues which makes this difficult....my health being the main one. I continue to be a work in progress...struggling with doing too much, letting the main structure of my life weaken and making everything very difficult to do. Always when I begin to feel overwhelmed I loose my place and without this strength I really become ineffective. It is so easy to let go of the bones that I require to keep everything moving correctly (rest, exercise, medication regimes, healthy eating, meditation).
I don't think it takes a chronic illness to have these issues; however, I believe that the warning signs of straying off my path may come sooner in the process. For that, I guess I am lucky.

For us artists there is so much noise. It really is a journey of stepping out in faith and believing in oneself enough to take great leaps every time we are faced with a blank canvas. The "mind critics" are so loud.....we have to work hard to quiet them and to keep moving forward. For me, creating art is such a spiritual journey. It becomes my life force. It seems as though my "crtics" want me to forget that. But eventually I remember who I really am...and move toward my world of color, image and texture.

Today I will live my life as an artist......an artist who moves with love and compassion by her side.