Moving day is coming!

I was just writing an e-mail to my beautiful friend Gail and I realized that what I was typing felt very important......and so here I am....finally ready to enter some thoughts in my blog. Recently, it's been difficult to settle my mind down enough to write like I'm use to. I have tried a couple of times....but the words that came out didn't even sound like me at all...and I always ended up erasing them. Today, I am so full of emotion...maybe a sense of myself will come through.

I've never really spoken about my spiritual beliefs....wondering if this was really the appropriate place for that....however I know that my true self can be seen between these lines and I also know that my spirituality is a huge part of who I am. My primary belief, at this point in my life, is that I am responsible for creating my own reality. I know that my own thoughts, words, actions are directly linked to the happenings of my life. I believe that the Universe only wants abundance for me and that everything happens for a reason. Also I know, very deeply, that we are all connected...I don't know how (that isn't important) but I know that my essence connects with everything else that I come in contact with. And....I believe that the most important thing I can do on this earth, at all times, is live with awareness, compassion and love.....if every move I make are surrounded by these thoughts, I know I can't go wrong. Given these beliefs... I am strong....and look at situations from a place of wonder....why did that happen?....what do I have to learn from this?.....why did I bring this to my life?....how can I love this person more?... is this decision a decision that is surrounded by love and compassion?...what would be the loving thing to do here? I know that I am creating my own little world and that my thoughts, my actions, my desires bring to me my experiences and reality.

Given that....(very quick summary of my beliefs)....I still struggle with worry, doubt, fear, rejection, anger, frustration, jealousy....all the things that challenge us in our lives. These are areas of my being that I boldly face as weaknesses and I try constantly to work at them with honesty and diligence. This move....the selling of two properties, the buying of a new one, the financial responsibility of a bridge loan along with the potential of paying three mortgages...is a huge step in faith and is presenting quite a challenge for me to stay true to my beliefs. Since I am bright, incredibly hyperactive, able to think on many levels at one time, amazingly creative in my thinking.....I can think on one level about selling our two properties successfully, I can visualize the people who are waiting to buy them, I can imagine how it will feel to sign those closing papers....I can also work my tail off on making both properties show at their best...doing special things so that the properties reflect my love of them and my belief that they are great pieces of realestate.....but......on some other level, while all this positive stuff is going on, there seems to be this nagging worry of "what if"..........................and I am so afraid that that is potentially ruining any hope of things falling into place for us.

Yesterday a solution came to me...and so far it has worked. I was reading about always being grateful for the abundance in one's life......that that feeling of abundance can only attract more abundance and reasons for more grafefulness. It clicked for me.....a huge AH-AH!!! So....whenever I do my visualization of all of our financial things falling into place....I include many moments of thankfulness for all I have in my life (and believe me....I have many blessings!!!). Yesterday I tried to move with more awareness and when I caught myself worrying (which I swear...I am the worry queen) I immediately made myself go to a place of thankfulness and abundance. I became thankful for everything....my dogs furry ears, my comfy sweat pants that feel so warm and safe to me, the beautiful trees, the fact that I have two properties to sell, my beautiful and faithful friends, my kids, my awesome husband, my wonderful soap that my son bought me that smells like vanilla and raspberries at the same time.... That is where I spent my day.

Now....it wasn't always easy.....but it felt so much more productive and positive and it did shift the worry. It was a huge relief. My friend Gail often lists her blessings on her blog. Isn't that amazing? She is amazing....but she is such a model for how I want to be. I guess my surprise is that I never saw it as a tool until this point.

I am full today with many blessings. All the work we are doing right now is a way of tending to our dreams and it hardly seems like work at all......it's almost like both Richard and I are saying thank-you for all the good that has come to us. Tending to these properties we have for sale seems to be a way of saying thank-you for giving us such huge moments of joy, peace and love. It's as if we are preparing to welcome the new owners with open, loving arms. I am amazed by all of this.....

I guess....finally.....this is who I am!!! This is who I want to be!!! It's different than who I have always thought I was. What a gift to come to a place where I can let go of the haunting, "icky" parts of myself and move toward becoming a person surrounded by a loving light. Thank you for coming here and reading this.